Monday, May 27, 2013

"I really want to lose 3 pounds" EGGCELLENT TIME!!!


I cooked again!!! Yeah...yeah ever since my last blog post, that's about how long it's been since I've put any consideration outside of macronutrients into my food. It was all fuel-efficient and that's as far as it went. However, this past week has been a damn struggle. I've been having some emotions, and I ate them this weekend. I basically ate 4 pounds of emotions.

Well, tonight will not disappoint! Unless you were expecting photos. See I'm not sure if you've met me before, but I don't cook. People cook for me. Why cook for yourself what someone else  can cook for you. So I didn't put enough thought in to taking too many photos of the process. I felt lucky to just boil an egg. Literally.

However...lately that has not been the case. Some may call in gaining independence, furthering my emergence into adulthood perhaps. Anyhow, tonight started out with high ambitions, and I'll just say it, it ended in victory. So on that note...

Step one...eggs embraced in turkey bacon's arms of protein love. Now, this is embarrassing, but it's also slightly endearing. I had one of my dear friends and ex-coworkers (it's a girl, so we didn't bang) literally walk me through this process. I lined each muffin tin with coconut oil (not enough judging by how poorly these popped out. That's not her fault. I take full responsibility, which is not something I do often.). I heated the uncured, nitrate free Trader Joe's turkey bacon in a pan (???), and put one slice per muffin tin circle. Then I cracked an egg in the middle. That's it. Oh, and put it in the oven at 325 degrees (dang it, I meant to do 350. I only just now realized my math error.) for about a million years. So like 20 minutes.



These little cups were eggxactly what I hoped they would be!!! I am beyong eggcited to eat some for breakfast tomorrow!

Step two...hard boil eggs. For most people ages 7 and up, this is easy. HOWEVER I've never done it successfully. My eggs are either really like, flaky in the whites, or they don't cook enough, or they explode all over the place. Anyway, a current co-worker was quite the dear little lamb and gave me a phone call to make sure I was successful in this endeavor. I don't think I need to tell you how to hard boil eggs, but let me know. That's not sarcastic. That's a true blue offer.


I love any eggscuse for a good egg joke!

Step three...AWESOME PROTEIN SWEET POTATO BLIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIISS. Now, this is adapted from another web site. And by adapted I mean I was too damn lazy to put in all the ingredients. But basically it went something like this...take 5 servings of ground turkey and put them in a pan with a diced onion and cook it. Skin 4 medium sweet potatoes and microwave them for a few minutes. Then cut them in to strips. While you do that, you should also brown some  bacon. I personally chose Trader Joe's ends and pieces, and did half a package. Why not the whole package? Because I ate the other half this morning. That's right. I had half a package of bacon in one day. Once the bacon is cooked, chop it up. Then when all is ready, you just layer it into a slow cooker. My step dad is theeee nicest because he bought one for me! This is the maiden voyage. OK, so I did like, one layer of potatoes, a layer of meats, potatoes, meats. Then you top it off with some nice eggs. I personally did a carton of egg whites, because it's the least amount of effort on my part. Then apparently you just cook it on low for 6 hours. Which I'll do here in ... well at midnight. Because I'm getting up at six to blast my body. This can only be a winning combination. I am REALLY EXCITED TO EAT TOMORROW!!!



Step four...I boiled 3 chicken breasts since my mom gave me 2 (look at me, adding and subtracting!), and when they were all finished cooking, I chopped them, Into cubes. In the mean time, I cut up 2 zucchinis, 2 tomatoes, and one onion. I also had a bag of the manege a trois (I probably spelt that wrong) bell peppers from T-Joe's. I put a little olive oil in a pot, threw in some garlic, and burnt the shit out of it by accident. I hate myself. So I washed that out, and started over. Basically I added  the veggies in at the same time as the garlic. Can't  be taking culinary chances. Then....I basically covered the shit out of the  veggies with chili powder I think. I threw in a little sea salt in for good measure...and garlic power. That was not to my tasting needs. So I threw in a bouillon cube. It was simmering and the  veggies cooked down to my liking, so I threw in the chicken cubes. Now it's all tumbling together on simmer on my stove, and I'm typing this blog,



Yup this last one looks pretty gross. But I promise it's good. Especially now that it's cooked more.

That's it. I don't even get to eat any of this til tomorrow! I also still need to figure out the nutrition for this, so if it actually tastes good, I can make it for the REST OF MY DAMN LIFE. I'll post it later. You'll know when I know. P.S. I facebooked the shit out of these foods. I can't cook so it was a very victorious moment.

OK These are pretty rough estimates. First of all, they are based off of an app. Second of all, things apparently are not measured in 5ths, except for maybe vodka. BTW So I made those huge pots of foods, and then I divided each pot in to five servings. Hence why I made 5 damn chicken breasts. So each of the following is the estimated nutrition for each serving.

Chicken Veggie Soup Estimation
Cals: 167 cals
Fat 2 g
Cholesterol 70 mg
Sodium Unknown, because of the stuff like chili powder and sea salt itself, boullion
Potassium 249 mg
Carbs 10 g BANGIN
Fiber 2 g
Sugar 6 g
Protein 28 g yay!!!!
Vit A 9%
Vit C 37 %
Calcium 2%
Iron 8%

Sweet Potato Meat Delight Estimations
Cals 510
Fat 29g (total)
Sat fat 9g
Cholesterol 123 mg
Sodium 1704 mg
Potassium 618 mg
Carbs 28 g (not quite as scary now that I have decided to intentionally stop carb cycling)
Fiber 5g
Sugar 9g
Protein FORTY THREE G!!!!!!!
Vit A 1236%
Vit C 35%
Calcium 7%
Iron 15%

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